Monday, January 29, 2007
Today is the last day of the two-week doctor-imposed "vow of silence" to give my voice a rest. She gave me a special dispensation for Sundays, so that I could preach and lead worship. Yesterday, I also did some talking at the two Bible studies I lead. Mostly, though, I have kept to it very diligently, and I really hope that it's helped. Because it's been harder than I thought.
The hard part is not remembering to not talk. I don't slip and talk without realizing it. It's just that life participation and self-reflection rely on verbal communication, and I've discovered that an introvert like me needs "people time" in ways I hadn't noticed before.
The interesting part is what people do when I communicate to them in writing on my personal-sized white marker board. When there are several people I'm "talking" to, they each take the board, read it silently, and then pass it on. I long for the first one to read it out loud, to be my voice for me. It seems it would be more efficient and make more sense and be more compassionate. I think I would instinctively do that, but no one else has.
The funny thing has been my non-verbal way of yelling. I have had, for a long time, a little squirt gun, no bigger than the palm of your hand. It really squirts, too! So, I keep it with my white marker board and use when I need to get the attention of youth and kids in our church or a certain youth leader who has mistakenly thought he could needle me without comeback during this time! The joke was on me when it leaked in my pocket last night during adult Bible study and so when I stood up, there was an embarrassing spot in an embarrassing place. I bring the jokes on myself most of the time.
The thing I miss most remains not singing -- in church, in life -- and that is still off limits until I see the doc.
Playing the last card of this game today! Yea!